Assalamualaikum and happy good morning. Last night, while I was scrolling down the facebook, suddenly my eyes attached on this post that saying – “Psychology says that if your mind wanders often, it’s mean that 85% telling that you are unhappy with your life”. To know whether it is true or not, I have to agree with this statement. Yes, my mind always wander off until peoples around speak to me; wake me up where I am right in the moment. Then, I just say “Oh, right!” even though I still don’t get what are they talking about. That is why people does not always talk to me because they know, I would response nothing if they talk to me. Suddenly, I blame them for isolating me, in fact, that me, myself is the problem one.
I have to admit that I feel unhappy with my life and I can’t resist it. I feel unhappy about my friend, family and peoples around me. This is happening when I care about people and environment too much until I don’t have time to care my own business. I keep repeating the same mistake and being fake with people around. They thought I like them and I thought they like me but in fact, we were both know how to pretend to be good and assuming that all things are falling into its places.
But, I wouldn’t show my unhappy feeling in front of people for sure because I don’t want to be ungrateful for what I have had in my life. Maybe they seem not enough for me, but Allah, knows what is better for my life. I have to put some effort to gain happiness. I must take courage to accept the faith that, this is my life after all. I have to accept that this is the way I’m living, why should I bother to ask more when I have had already than enough? It is me! It is me who don’t see thing positively and always wanted more. That is what making my life miserable and ungrateful. I wanted to be rich like that person; I wanted to be good like this person; I wanted to be confident like those people! Whatever it is, in the middle of silence, I must take in some breathe, close my eyes and make sure to accept all this thing right when I open up my eyes!
In the meantime, I always don’t feel right whenever I get in touched with some people; communicate with them. Because, sometimes, I don’t know how to react truly and this leads me to be fake sometime. When I do talk with people, some of the things I just keep bury in my heart, in fact, maybe the things that I was burying is the most important thing that should be telling to people. Why? Why? Why? Because I was afraid that my opinion or whatsoever that wandering in my mind could be rejected in anytime. This is only making me a person who likes the most of attention and afraid to loss something that not even mine. I always expect more than anything in fact that I had to bear with painful pain. That is why I always be like a daydreamer; dreaming something that does not even exist! Or, should I say, the daydreaming then leads to overthinking! Overthinking about the problem that might come out in anytime. Too afraid of that is making me more cautious and hesitate.
Being more cautious is good but I should not be more hesitated. If I want to do it, I should do it! Why bother to think more? If I think more, then, I was afraid to take the chance because too afraid to be rejected or failure. This is not the right thing. I must get through it!