Imperfect Is Cool

Assalamualaikum and almost good night. I took a pill in Ibiza. I thought Ibiza was in Israel. so, I preferred to hate this music at the first place. And, the singer is Mike Posner, I never learn to like his song because it is totally not approachable to my heart since 2010, I guess. Then, I google image about Ibiza.. The first thought was, “Oh, okay, beautiful places, maybe I would like to put in bucket list.” And, then, I saw the “Spain” word. Wow, Ibiza’s country state is Spain!?? Cool!! I like Spain and, someday I would to spend sometime at Spain, In Syaa Allah… I even take Spanish class for the next semester and I can’t wait for it.

Firstly, straight to the point, I would like to tell that, I am a human and always do the same, terrible mistakes. I really like to advice people but, in the same time, I did some mistakes. Actually, I am trying and struggling to approach the kindness and positive vibes here, I want to learn from the failure and attempt to try hard in the next day. I am imperfect girl who can do both thing, good deed and evil. To be honest, we suppose to restrain ourselves from trying to do something bad. The term of “Istiqamah” which means doing the good things continuously even in a little quantity has much effect to our personality. If we tend to “istiqamah” in every way, our life would end up with happiness and all things fall on its place. But, it is very hard and need to struggle to become a better human because the devil keeps haunting our mind, asking some part of us to do bad things. They keep putting the hesitation in our heart, triggering the emotional of feeling right when doing something wrong; feeling wrong when doing something right.

Here I am, this is me. I should feel enough with everything I have had. I should not compare my life with others. Even though, they have got better life than me, but, I am here, still in the same places, had to learn about gratitude and doing reformation in my life so that, I can go to the next level in my life. Everybody has their own track to happiness. So, I couldn’t blame them for having the best thing in their life. It is their life. So, I just have to focus on my mission and vision so that I could have better life than other people.

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They say….

Assalamualaikum and happy good morning. Last night, while I was scrolling down the facebook, suddenly my eyes attached on this post that saying  – “Psychology says that if your mind wanders often, it’s mean that 85% telling that you are unhappy with your life”. To know whether it is true or not, I have to agree with this statement. Yes, my mind always wander off until peoples around speak to me; wake me up where I am right in the moment. Then, I just say “Oh, right!” even though I still don’t get what are they talking about. That is why people does not always talk to me because they know, I would response nothing if they talk to me. Suddenly, I blame them for isolating me, in fact, that me, myself is the problem one.

I have to admit that I feel unhappy with my life and I can’t resist it. I feel unhappy about my friend, family and peoples around me. This is happening when I care about people and environment too much until I don’t have time to care my own business. I keep repeating the same mistake and being fake with people around. They thought I like them and I thought they like me but in fact, we were both know how to pretend to be good and assuming that all things are falling into its places.

But, I wouldn’t show my unhappy feeling in front of people for sure because I don’t want to be ungrateful for what I have had in my life. Maybe they seem not enough for me, but Allah, knows what is better for my life. I have to put some effort to gain happiness. I must take courage to accept the faith that, this is my life after all. I have to accept that this is the way I’m living, why should I bother to ask more when I have had already than enough? It is me! It is me who don’t see thing positively and always wanted more. That is what making my life miserable and ungrateful. I wanted to be rich like that person; I wanted to be good like this person; I wanted to be confident like those people! Whatever it is, in the middle of silence, I must take in some breathe, close my eyes and make sure to accept all this thing right when I open up my eyes!

In the meantime, I always don’t feel right whenever I get in touched with some people; communicate with them. Because, sometimes, I don’t know how to react truly and this leads me to be fake sometime. When I do talk with people, some of the things I just keep bury in my heart, in fact, maybe the things that I was burying is the most important thing that should be telling to people. Why? Why? Why? Because I was afraid that my opinion or whatsoever that wandering in my mind could be rejected in anytime. This is only making me a person who likes the most of attention and afraid to loss something that not even mine. I always expect more than anything in fact that I had to bear with painful pain. That is why I always be like a daydreamer; dreaming something that does not even exist! Or, should I say, the daydreaming then leads to overthinking! Overthinking about the problem that might come out in anytime. Too afraid of that is making me more cautious and hesitate.

Being more cautious is good but I should not be more hesitated. If I want to do it, I should do it! Why bother to think more? If I think more, then, I was afraid to take the chance because too afraid to be rejected or failure. This is not the right thing. I must get through it!