Kingdom of Serenity

I miss my cat, Kiki so much. I miss him like crazy. He was a wonderful and gentle cat. He always played me by emotion. Up until now, I still cannot forget the way he let me petting him before he bit my finger, playing with my hair after I had done shampoo (he smelt and tried so hard to bite my scalp!), he woke me up before sunrise sometimes around 3:00 am or 6:00 am. I cannot deny he’s the way to call me for prayer. There is a sunnah prayer called as Tahajud (it is not compulsory but if we do, in Syaa Allah, we will gain reward) and it’s can be done by sleeping early around 10:30 pm and get up around 3:00 am. Back to the story, Kiki was a domestic cat with color likes Husky dog, black white with abstract patterns. He had a fluffy tails and that was my favorite part. HAHA..

He was like partly of wolf because that the way I saw him even though he came from middle class family because his mother originated from somewhere that I didn’t even know. My house is near the paddy field, so there are a lot of stray cats but living separately. One day, I went out to get some air then I saw a white cat kept coming toward me from behind my house. I decided to take care of her and maybe she’s the one I gave her name “Lofa” because she got a pair of beautiful eyes. I didn’t quite remember but I think she’s the one I called that name. Lofa then get married illegally with some guys from the next village, I guess and gave birth to 3 kitten I guess (it has been very long time ago); a black + white, grey + white, small dot of black + pure white. So the small dot of black + pure white who gave birth to Kiki and other 4 kittens. This time I remembered their name; Kiki, Xera, Kecik and Kus.

That was the most wonderful day. Actually, my mom doesn’t like cats being at home but I made a promise to guarantee her I can take care all of them. I will make sure they will not produce a smell “product” in this house and will not scratch the beautiful brown flower pattern couch that belongs to her. That time, I was having a semester break after finishing my 4^th semester on 2017 (if I’m not mistaken). So, my usual jobs were keep the house cleaning including laundering.

I love to play with them, a lot. They were so playful, childish, purring near me, and sleeping all the time. But they were very active and kept playing to fill the spare time and I was the professional photographer who kept capturing their beautiful and priceless moments. They were saying say that if we often take pictures of cat, they will die eventually. I trust that saying when I was a toddler, so there isn’t so much memory about my previous cats, but when I grown up, I believe Allah can take care of them.

One night, I was having a dinner with my family at KFC. I packed all the chicken leftover in case that my cat will eat it. I came home and saw them scattered all over the places playing around actively. I gave them the chicken leftover and entered the house. I observed them through the window near to them and they were eating nicely.

But I never thought that would be the day before they all died simultaneously. Before I trying to get them to the vet because it was early morning, my family was out working, I did search on browser what to do if my cat vomits and excretes some watery worms. I did something with the blended garlic and trying to give them but it was failure. They kept staying in the cold places like my bathroom. They lying down there exhaustedly and I tried to feed them but they refused to take it in. I cried alone in the house while all of cats were dying. There’s nothing can be done and people can blame me for not taking fast action. Kus and Kecik already froze on their place and I took the hoe and dug the ground while crying. I wrapped them with old clothes that I kept in my store.

There were two left; Xera and Kiki.  I surrounded my house to find Xera that I thought he may be slipped to somewhere. I found him at the back of my house and lying down exhaustedly. I took here and put near to me. I tried to feed him but he refused. Then, I left to kitchen for awhile to find something like I searched on internet. He too vomited and produced watery worm. And then, I got back to the place and found out he lost. I went search to any possible places that he might be hiding but found him lying down in the bathroom. I went out for awhile and sit in the living room, trying to be less emotional. Later, I found out he was out of breathe and slowly closed his eyes. I was speechless and my throat was painful.

Three of them died simultaneously on the same day and I kept thinking about the chicken leftover that I gave them. I never thought it would be this serious because it never happened before. I gave them the leftover that I can also eat, that is why I call it “leftover”. The chicken was edible that I sliced them a little for my cats.

Kiki was left all alone and he did not realize he was all alone. Because, before all of the four kittens died, they also had learnt that their mother was already dead when my brother found it at the backyard during dinner. My brother was just checking around the house and found out a white cat deadly lying on grasses. I suspected she swallowed or exposed to some poison because my house is near to paddy field. And it might be snake around the paddy field.

Kiki was all alone. He turned out very fast from an active cat to alone and silent cat. My semester break had ended and I had to go back to my campus. I discussed with my mother, talking about how alone he was. He had no friend and alone. I went back to campus, praying Kiki will be fine. After a few days, my mom kept me updated about Kiki. He didn’t want to eat at all. He often stayed in the bathroom due to the painful he felt in his stomach. He was totally changed. I never saw this kind of behavior previously. The last cats that I kept closer in my house never changed their attitude if something happen with their surroundings. They were just being normal cat. But, this guy, Kiki, he was absolutely understanding the differences taking over his life. He used to be playful and full of joy, he was like understanding and appreciating the bonding of his family. When he sensed some flaws, he learnt that he already lost of his family.

My mom kept me updated and let me know that he refused to eat until one day, he gathered all of his strengths and after many days, my mom told me he was recovered and start eating like usual. My mom even told me, she feed him every time he kept meowing because my mom couldn’t stand the noise. HAHHAAA…. So, he’s getting fat when I came home. And found out, he already got a friend. It was a very fierce cat that turned out to be very sweet when I gave him food. We were not decided to keep the fierce cat at home but we still gave him food. I didn’t even call his name. He was just being sweet whenever I gave him some food. I didn’t mind as long as Kiki got a friend to play with.

Kiki’s behavior changed to positive and never will upset again. He was such a motivation. He thought he lost all but he got me and turned out, a new friend (stray cat; the fierce one) came to my house. It was all fated. I let the fierce cat stayed in house even though me and my mother never decide to make him as our cat officially. He didn’t even have name. He didn’t fierce at all. He just turned out furious when I wanted to pick him or touch him. But, whenever he kept distant from me, he would lie down on the ground, rubbing on the sand like a very sweet cat.

Kiki and the fierce one were growing up together. They were always going anywhere around my house together. They rubbing, purring, sleeping and playing together. I captured all of their moments. I was so happy because Kiki was like me, introvert and silence. Kiki had one behavior that he always watching throughout the window and surveying the whole scenery. Whenever I picked him up and put him beside me in my bedroom, he would refuse to get petted because he was more interested to see what’s happening outside the window.

At night, I would give them food around 9:30 pm because I already planned to make Kiki stayed with me, sleeping with me during the night. So, I had to feed them early while the fierce one, he was independent and outdoor cat. He was very active catching the bird, squirrel, whatever alien it was. He didn’t like being confined and I respect his decision. Kiki didn’t like to be confined as well but he was my cat and I would like to keep him indoor. As usual, my cat gave annoying face; beat down his tail to the floor roughly, as if he protested that I kept him in my bedroom. But, eventually, he slept nicely and even jumped onto my bed and lying down beside me or his favorite spot, beside my leg.

During 7^th semester on 2018, I was very busy that I rarely came home. Before final year presentation of my final project, there was a week for study. So, I used the opportunity to come home and spending time with my family and my beloved cats, Kiki and the fierce one. They had grown up beautifully.

Kiki had changed that he didn’t want to stay indoor anymore. Every time I came home, he would be found out nowhere until the night came. I was frustrated because my cat kept missing. I was living near paddy field, so there are a lot of places to be explored for grown up cat like him. He didn’t stay at home as much as usual.  In the morning, my mom would call out my name, telling me Kiki was home. He kept meowing roughly and screaming like hell. Ohhh Kiki. I picked him up and kissed him as much as possible. Sometimes, I would wait for afternoon to bath him so that he would not feel cold after bathing. At least, the temperature was able to keep him warm. After bathing, I would dry him up using any old clothes and let him get his space to lick his hair. He did feel annoyed with me to the fact that he didn’t like to bath at all. But, after all of the drying, he stayed indoor to make sure himself keep clean and feeling so comfortable to get around with us. I have been observed his behavior that after I cleaned him up even though he didn’t feel amused with that, he would stay indoor as if he understood his owner already made him clean out of dirty.

And then, he disappeared again. Okay. I would wait till morning. And then I realized I had to go back to campus. And afterward, I received updates from my mom that Kiki hadn’t been at home for very long time like 2-3 weeks and I started to feel worry. I’m afraid that somebody pick him or he fall to somewhere else that I don’t know. For the entire time being, I couldn’t get home due to my final project that required me to stay at campus. Besides, I couldn’t get home more than twice due to save the expenses. Uni’s life was great but needed me to cut many cost so that the expenses will be well-managed. So did my cat. I went home after several weeks and found out he was nowhere to be found. He was totally lost. I kept calling his name day and night but he won’t appear. I cried so much when I looked at the old photo albums I kept in my computer while listening to sad song. So hurt when I was thinking that he was the cat that always stayed with me even though I forced him to do so. He forced to like stay with me even though he would rather stay beside my mom. My mom always sent me a picture of him lying down beside my mom’s leg while she was sewing some of the customer’s cloth.  The last pictures I took on November 2018 before he completely dissapeared and never came back ….